I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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