after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
