You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
