absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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