it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
