i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
