I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize