thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
