I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
