I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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