It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
