Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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