she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
