Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
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i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
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we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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