Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
