At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
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im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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