I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
