I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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