just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
