nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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