Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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