So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
