just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
honey bunches of taint.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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