I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
