you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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