it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
