So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
