Swine flu. Run for my life!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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