I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
