are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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