Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
