im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
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