he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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