Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I intend to get homeless drunk
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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