is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
