hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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