none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
