we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
