nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
