I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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