If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
