the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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