winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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