his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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