Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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