I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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