no one should ever give us hovercrafts
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
