I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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