I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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