I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
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I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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