seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
