whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
