Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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