just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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