8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
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It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
false alarm, still single
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