he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
