hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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