Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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