dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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