is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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